Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
