he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
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Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
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I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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