I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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