I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
