People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
