i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
