umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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