you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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