when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
