Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
