Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
