Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
