I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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