My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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