come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize