YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
