Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
