Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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