No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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