break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
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Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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