dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
