I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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