if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I could make wine with my vomit
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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