using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
