i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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