i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
