I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
