morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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