im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
