i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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