Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
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I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.