i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered