so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I looked at my own cervix.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.