You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.