I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
