Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep