I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.