I'm really into asian looking animals
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.