What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
