Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
