Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The struggles of a small town man whore
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
