i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You're like the curious george of whores
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
