I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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