I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
