Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
