I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
