Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
