I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
