I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
