I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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