I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
