i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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