We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
