He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
