By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
