I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
