My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
