Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
