you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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