I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
