she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
