you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
