He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
