We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
