Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
