My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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