my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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