Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
