Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
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I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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