U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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