I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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