McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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