WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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