you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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