woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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