mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My vagina is very pro this idea
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
