p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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