is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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