I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I want a musical about memes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
