this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
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I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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