If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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