My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
high people should be assigned attendants
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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