my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
