You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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