alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
