He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
